::this is a long one::
I have been thinking about this for a while now and as a woman I cannot figure this one out. I do not consider myself unattractive by any means and I usually get male attention when I am out from time to time.
When I had the sew-in the attention I received from males doubled. It was like I had a new swag!! L0L! I cannot deny that the sew-in looked good and of course it was a brand new look for me but I did not think that it made me look BETTER.
After that experience I sat down and wondered what response I would receive from men when I cut the rest of my relaxed hair off and only had naturally curly hair. How will I be perceived then? Will I still be as attractive, more attractive, or less attractive? Will the one I’m ‘with’ (L0L) leave me because I am no longer the person he first met?
Here is a post I found on another blog from a woman who gave up her naturally curly hair for male attention (her grammar is the absolute worst):
Ok, let me just get up on my soapbox!( shuffles, stumbles finds feet) I was natural from 2001 all the way up to 2006. it was long and very wavy, I loved it, BUT I found that I could not find a man. men thought it symbolized that I was worthy and a bit pious and not down a damn good time (this girl loves a good time!) they would always address me like they would address their grandmother. having my beneath the shoulder length natural hair was a turn off for them. so despite loving the look myself and feeling ashamed of compromising myself and my ideals I texturized it bone straight……. you know what happened almost immediately??? Guys who knew me on sight before were asking me if I was new in town, or if I only just started going out in the area. it’s sick to admit it and it’s shameful for me, since I loved my natural and miss it, but I like male attention and want male attention and that is what they want………… Trust me I am only alone because I want to be these days. It is sick, that some black men and women feel like this and maybe we all need to politicize our hair again so people can wake up. but me I am just human, principles are fine things……. loneliness is another. Please don’t judge me, if you have ever been truly lonely and hungry for love you will understand why I compromised myself.
Now I have never been the compromising type so I don’t see myself buckling from any pressure but the notion that it will make life ‘harder’ to some extent is saddening. Will it really be this way?
What is everyone’s opinion on this? I need some responses from men?
UPDATE: I think people took the questions I asked as if it's something I'm worried about but they're just questions I 'learned' to ask after reading other females' experiences with men and their natural hair. I just asked the questions in first person. I will be fine; believe me. A man is not going to stop this fro! L0L!!!
9 comments:
I like HAIR. one of THE most attractive traits (+ smile and eyes). Every chic i've EVER dated has had long hair - need that. The NOTION that you are going to cut your hair off ENDS our situation ON SIGHT! I DON'T do weaves, I DON't do any of that bullsh!t - Now, i have seen some chic really do the natural look, and look GREAT! (Only if it's long though) I've seen chics straighten their hair and trick me! I be like, "Damn, that's natural?!?!" But the ball'd, short cut (Solange, Amber Rose) i am NOT a fan of the short look at ALL. We can't get our hair done at the same spot (shape ups at the barber and all that - ridiculous)I'm not attracted to it. I like to run my fingers through the hair, i like to see her have different looks by the different ways she wears the hair. Period (too long winded? Sorry)
Male Perspective
My friend and I always joke about finding that light skin, long hair, big booty chick to wife up. We were just joking but there are alot of dudes who do want that "video vixen" look.
But in reality when it comes to hair (or anything else) its really just about whatever works for that person.
I can log into facebook and find girls that are attractive who have long hair, short hair, natural, relaxed, curly, straight, yada yada.
Neweays...I showed u my friends hair blog, and I think she looks pretty damn good w/the curly look. some dudes like it others dont. That's just how it be. Will it be harder? I would say 'no' but it seems from your experiences it may be.
Damn i cut this out by accident...
And men are attracted to confidence. At least the ones YOU want to attract. And i'm not talking about being a hard ass/bitchy. A confident woman to me is one who is comfortable in her own skin and can laugh at herself
For me personally I DONT CARE HOW YOU WEAR YOUR HAIR (I'm not a fan of EXTREMELY LONG WEAVE though!! LOL!!). Keyword in that is YOUR!! It is YOURS and YOURS alone. I just want a woman to KEEP HER HAIR DONE!!! Whatever style she chooses, I just want her to be comfortable in it and work it!! I have been attracted to woman with all kinds of diffrent types of hair!! So if a woman is gonna rock an afro, a fade , a weave, braids, or hell any of the other millions of style she has to choose from a REAL MAN will love it because she's being HERSELF!! Plus she's not trying to conform to anything because "WE OFF THAT"!!!!!
I have to say...
The "Natural Hair" conversation is one of my favorite conversations to have. In our Euro-centric society(from our socio-political and economic systems to our cultural standards), it is very difficult for black people to embrace things that do not equal these standards. From Willie Lynch to the overexposure to images and concepts in various media outlets to the ideas we impose on ourselves through generations, ideas about what looks good, what skin color is better, what texture of hair is better have been imposed on Black folk for a LONG time(african colonialism, slavery, Jim crow, etc).
With that being said, I see natural hair as a metaphor for self love. When I see a woman with natural hair I see a woman who at least on some level has embraced the features she was created with and to some degree rejected the idea that in order to be beautiful she has to conform to a standard of beauty that has been imposed on her and the rest of our society.
However I do have to admit that when I see a woman with long straightened hair it usually does look good to me. On another level when I see a woman with natural hair I immediately feel like I see a woman who understands herself more and who is comfortable in her own skin without alteration. Often these assumptions are not a rigid truth, but more times than not, the woman with the natural hair(in my experience)has SOME level of self awareness and understanding of where she has come from. I understand that a woman is not her hair , but her hair often times speaks volumes about other things.
To the woman who permed her hair to get noticed by guys, I say are you that concerned with being with someone that you must sacrifice your ideals? Do you really want somebody who only notices you for something that is not naturally who you are.
Natural hair can also be intimidating to some men. The stereotypes often associated with natural hair can leave some men feeling that they are not good enough or worthy of the woman...I've witnessed this!
From the women i know who have made the transition, natural hair is often just a piece to a puzzle of self awareness and self love that involves other lifestyle changes ex. food she eats, products she uses for different things, overall health and wellness, spirituality etc. I think this observation more than anything is what initially draws me to a woman with natural hair. AND even though these things can be and often are achieved without natural hair, a lot of times, pausing the perms and straightening is a first or early step in that direction.
Xan, I hope that your experience with your natural hair is not negative due to a different type of guy approaching you, guys approaching you differently, and that those things occur in a positive way. As you journey to embrace and love who you naturally are more I am sure that you will attract and look for and expect different things from black men as well. Any man that is scared or turned off by your personal growth is nuts and likely insecure in themselves.
Sorry so long yo.
You already know how I feel about natural hair... Whether is naturally wavy, kinky, straight.. It doesn't matter!! I LOVE IT ALL!!! Being natural in any way, shape, or fashion is one of the most attractive things to me... I don't need to see nail art.. I don't your face made up with a conglomerate of colors to accent your outfit... And I definitely don't need hair down to you butt that does not belong to you (naturally)! So I will say it loud... YES BLACK MEN RESPOND TO NATURAL HAIR!!!
"http://www.youtube.com/user/sheacocoaluv#p/u/11/8qNtwyFpEKk"
Check this video out... this should answer come of your questions. To me it's all about the man himself. My motto is, if a man doesn't want me because of my natural hair, then he isn't the one for me anyways because this hair isn't going anywhere. If he doesn't want me because of my natural hair, he is probably shallow, and has some insecurities within himself. The man who wants me, hair and all is definitely a king.... confident, proud, and will make me feel like a queen because he can appreciate the REAL me :-)
Mallorie
Man, I can across this blog today because I'm going through a very difficult situation with my girlfriend. We are both african american and I am attracted to long, straight relaxed hair. That's how her's was when we first met. Now she wants to go natural...I'm not attracted to the natural look. I don't care about all these "Euro-brainwashing" theories people have, I know what I like and what I don't like. I'm afraid that when she does this, I'm not going to be attracted to her anymore and my attention will go elsewhere. I've tried talking to her but she keeps saying that she doesn't want to further damage her hair and it won't look all that different. I'm really scared for our relationship and don't know what to do. I like what I like and can't control that.
@Anonymous
I feel you completely! You cannot help what you like!! I think that compromise is the biggest thing here. I think she should really consider a long transition so that it won't be so drastic for you and you should really give her new phase a real chance. That way you can really see how many different styles, including straight, that she can wear and make your decision from there.
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